up, up, up...

what if the mountains do crumble to the sea? what if our entire world falls around us? will we still proclaim that He is sovereign? will we still proclaim that He is just? Faith is a difficult thing to maintain, but maintain it we must. there are certainly events that take place that seem cruel and unloving. sometimes it seems as if God is vengeful and mean. it is during these times that i need to remember that i see Him through a very dim glass. maybe He is more like those scary shadows you see in the middle of the night, only to find out in the light of the morning that those scary shadows were really your stuffed bunny sitting on your rocking chair. maybe He seems scary because we do not see Him in the light...

adoption on my mind...

i watched a video a few weeks ago about some children from africa who had been rescued from drowning. as i watched this video, i got the same feeling i got when i watched my children on a sonogram. i felt as if i was watching my very own children.
this is how i know that my heart is ready.
a great deal of people i know are bringing their little african babies home. with each one, there is a sense of longing in my heart that causes me to cry for my own yet to be adopted baby. i want to bring my child home. i am waiting for God's timing and for Him to reveal my child to me...
i always wondered if i would be able to adopt after having biological children of my own. i wondered about bonding and all of the other stuff.
i have come to realize that the love of a mother transcends any biological ties that may be lacking. it's just like when they say that any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy.
there is a child out there (or ten) waiting for me to be his/her mommy.
my heart is pregnant...

she without a flock...

She spends her days alone, making her nights even lonelier. She longs for people with whom she can share her burdens with (but she wouldn't mind shouldering the burdens of others in return). She goes to places like the park and and the library, clinging to those small moments of interaction with other women as if they were her lifeline (and sometimes, they are). She thinks to herself that surely there must be somebody in real life that she can call friend. She doubts her self worth. She feels worthless and unloved. She is exactly where the enemy wants her. Her pearls are easy to steal.
This is the story of countless women.
I'd like to help change the course of the story...

a little late...

this one cracks me up:

(not so) terrible two's (x2)

ellie and daddy

ammi and nana

ammi and liam (looking so pleasant)

josie and her infamous fake smile

ellie and monkey friend

transparency...

i should have known better than to challenge others to be more transparent. this week, steaming matter hit the proverbial fan. i am continually put in situations where i am forced to look at the condition of my own heart. it's quite embarrassing, really. i haven't gotten a whole lot of sleep. i spent a few days in the hospital with my oldest boy while he was healing from an appendectomy. he had some episodes with his heart while under anesthesia, but he is better now. i was running with a friend last night (a mere few hours after leaving the hospital) and she said that she couldn't believe how upbeat i sounded...and then she said that she kind of expects that from me since my family is always having so many things go wrong. of course this sent me into a funk. i started feeling sorry for myself. this is never a good thing, because the truth of the matter is that all of these things are out of my control. the drama in my life is not a result of self-created chaos. the drama in my life stems from situations that the Lord allows to take place in my life. i have no control over that. i do, however, have control over my own reactions to circumstances, and i am told to be thankful in all things.
this has proved to be difficult.
i am tired.
i. am. tired.
i am in that place where i am both counting my blessings and struggling to trust. it's tricky ground to walk on.

Get thee behind me, Satan...

Maybe most of us in the blogosphere are not well known. Maybe we don't have a huge amount of followers. I do know that the enemy would like to silence us regardless of whether we are reaching an audience of ten or ten million. It seems to me that a lot of women in particular are just being pummeled from many angles, and they are beginning to question their self-worth even beyond what they normally struggle with. They are wanting to throw in the towel and quit blogging. Here's the thing, ladies -we have no idea who our words will reach. Even if we are able to bring one person closer to the King, isn't it all worth it? Sharing my blemishes has always been something near and dear to my heart. When we open ourselves up, faults and all, something magnificent happens. Callouses begin to soften, walls begin to tumble, and through the broken shards and scraps that are left of us, the Almighty shines through. We become radiant and free. So, I have a challenge: Instead of becoming more guarded (which is what the enemy wants) why don't we become even more transparent in what we write? I think we often try to always put our best foot forward, and sometimes what people need to see is that we are flawed and human (yet striving to become more like Christ). Now is not the time to hide. Now is the time say this is who I am, world, and if I am good enough for my King, then I am good enough for me!
This is truth, ladies:
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)